Types of Facebook Photos

by Philip Guo (philip@pgbovine.net)

You know you do the same thing I do --- browsing Facebook for hours on end, scouring through people's photos. Don't deny it. It's entertaining. Though I can't help but notice how everyone's profile photo seems to fall under one of several dozen categories:

1. The buddy buddy - Two or three friends hanging out, hugging, and having a good time

2. The face-cropper - Photo of your face and only half of your friend's face because you conveniently cropped him/her out of the shot

3. The dress-up - Girl in a dress or guy in a suit, probably at a school dance or mixer

4. The self-portrait - You can tell it's a self portrait because the person's face is overly round from the wide-angle and you can almost see his/her arms stretched out off-camera

5. The emo kid - Emo version of 'the self-portrait'; wishing that MySpace existed back when you were 14, looking like the Dashboard Confessional guy just came over and gave you a makeover

6. The 'omg I love my bf/gf sooo much' - Photos of couples joined at the hip. Usually both parties will have similar (but not identical) photos on their respective profiles.

7. The tourist - Photo taken on vacation, sometimes at a famous landmark

8. The JFK - Stately portrait of yourself in a suit, like you're running for student council president

9. The online dater - A single guy trying to use Facebook to find a date, usually posting an overly-serious head shot

10. The bad-ass - A guy looking sooo hardcore, like he's gonna crush your nuts with his stare, but he's actually probably only 5'5", 125 lbs. in real life

11. The model - A tastefully-presented professional or semi-professional (usually black & white) headshot

12. The wannabe model - Girl trying to imitate a 14-year-old on MySpace by taking photos of herself in countless poses and outfits

13. The 'I know I'm hot' - You're looking hot and you know it too

14. The 'I think I'm hot' - You're not looking too hot, but good effort, though

15. The Zoolander - You're dressed flamboyantly and puckered up like a male model ought to be

16. The girl next door - Refreshingly wholesome and clean; attractive but not smoking hot

17. The wholesome boy - Male version of 'the girl next door', with a wholesome bright white smile

18. The foodie - Action shot of you eating food, usually unflattering but humorous

19. The bar hopper - At a bar or pub, with a beer in hand, sometimes with buddies

20. The posh - Looking swanky and posh at a club or lounge, with a martini or other $11 drink in hand

21. The underaged drinker - At a crazy party with lots of those red Solo cups, looking quite sanguine

22. The 'I'm never running for president' - Usually an action shot of you smoking something other than a cigarette

23. The Cancun - Grinding with random people or pouring shots down your throat, looking like rejected footage from MTV Spring Break

24. The jock - Action shot of you playing a sport or exercising

25. The beach bod - At the beach, hopefully looking hot

26. The pump - A shot of you flexing your huge muscles like Ahh-nold, showing off DA PUMP!

27. The chill - A guy who knows he's rad so he can lean back and just chill, usually on a couch or on the deck of a boat

28. The respectful - Photo of you with family members

29. The FOB - Asian person making a peace sign gesture, singing karaoke, or engaged in other FOBby activities

30. The big pimpin' - Photo of one guy with multiple girls (or vice versa)

31. The nostalgic - Posting a photo of yourself when you were a young child

32. The impromptu - You don't even know the photo is being taken (or do you?)

33. The funny face - Self-explanatory

34. The animal - Photo of an animal, usually cute

35. The artist - Some crazy artistic shit

36. The amateur Photoshopper - Photo of yourself distorted by some cheesy-looking Photoshop filter

37. The hobbyist - Photo of you working on your hobby, like building stuff or flying planes or picking your nose

38. The musician - Playing some instrument or singing into a rad-looking mic

39. The surrogate - Using a photo of a cartoon character, TV/movie star, or athlete instead of a photo of yourself

40. The mystery - Don't upload your own photo and simply use the default question mark image

Feel free to send comments, suggestions, questions, or rants to me via email: philip@pgbovine.net

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