it's hard to raise childen... my mother used to say.
(soft pain)
-yes ma

all my life has been an episode of responsibilities.. my siblings would look up to me... and now my two wonderful children.
(proud and sad)
-yes ma, that's hard and difficult.

i got hold of some punjabi literature yesteday... was reading, sitting in the sun.
(happy, contemplative)
-must have felt good, ma.

a friend of mine told me, there's an organization that teaches poor people. i hope to be able to pursue something like that when free of resposibilities
-yes ma, when you feel you should, you must pursue what your heart says.



she's been ambitious... has always wanted the best..
she wasn't the top grader in school.. she would have her abitily be shown though, without conciously seeing that happen.

the teacher: "now who can change the voice of the sentence?"
her first day at the new school and she got up and answered.
At the end of the class, the Magistrate's daughter, the top grader in class approached her and said hi....
she says she was flattered.

somewhere down the line, she lost the feel of her identity... sacrifice after sacrifice. she wasn't the eldest amongst the siblings; but unfortunately perhaps, the most mature and intelligent. she would care for her sisters, elder and younger. she'd want her two brothers to pass exams, would pray that they make it. she would also pray that they have a good harvest every season.

she completed her bachelor's... in economics; wanted to study futher;

"there's no need for girls to study that much" was her father's verdict.
her father was a police inspector, rather strict, a man of discipline

she wouldn't budge. she protested silently... she wouldn't eat. for months she survived on a single meal a day. her father gave up.. she was allowed to do her masters. she passed.

she wanted to appear for administrative services, work for the government, build a career. she was opposed by family, people, society.she felt helpless; deceived and frustrated.

you should get married now - was the verdict.
her father searched for a match - the one he saw, came from a simple family in a village; he had risen in his life, had a masters in economics too..; he worked in the city and earned a salary three times her father's. her father was impressed, she got married.

she had a son...
she wanted to give him the best; best diet, best education... she expected best results from him... always first in class. she saw her unfulfilled ambitions getting fulfilled. she would meet with his teachers, to tell them to improve upon their methods of teaching. she would sometimes change his school, to get the best for him.

her son grew; she had another son. she wanted the best for him too.

she'd help her sons with their studies, as late as she could. when the studies became advanced, she'd sit beside them and want that they succeed. at times she'd sacrifice her love for them, to see them succeed.
she suffered every moment of discomfort to her sons.

she built her house in her hometown; managing most things on her own, while her sons would study and her husband was posted far away. she also helped her husband purchase another house.



her elder son sometimes tells her that he is very satisfied with what he's been able to achieve.
her other son is working to rise, she feels he's intersted in sports; he likes money, cars; he's got into the wrong line, she chuckles sometimes.

she says she is tired now, of giving, making sacrifices, she says her health fails her sometimes.
she sometimes cries when she talks to her son.

her son tries to understand her sentiments , he feels it inside when she misses him.

the older her son grows, the more profound his respect for her becomes.

she'll always be happy, have complete freedom, and not bother about anything, anything at all....
her son feels this sometimes.... deep inside....

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