offer him help; give him driving directions in the car; ask him to change his habits; tell him that he's not doing things right. he'll be tortured, annoyed and irritated. thats slow poison, in case you wanted to save yourself the trouble of buying a prescription for him.

you want him to be better because you love him. you know that a way of showing affection is to "help" people. you assume without even conciously realizing, that he functions by the same instincts as you do.

his realm is different. you know what his deepest fear is: that he's not good enough. he nurtures this fear insecurely; all your attempts to help him convey to him an implicit indication that you think he's flawed, he's not capable and hence he needs help.

when you try to help him as you would perhaps help a woman when you "feel" the need to (and she sure will appreciate the gesture), he's irritated, you know what he thinks: is there a fucking sign on my back that says i need help.

when you try to improve him or change things in the household, he's reluctant to have that done. improving things is instinctive for you; why should that lead to reluctance on his part. because there a filter in his perception that makes your intention for a change seem like as if you think he's not good enough, or you think that things need improvement because he is not capable enough to have them set right.

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