Do we feel good to be in control? Are we happy when our abilities match with the requirements that our jobs, relationships and lives present us with?

Inadequeacy leaves us feeling low and unhappy. We may be on a job because of several extrinsic reasons: money, status or peer pressure. Contrast this with doing what we do because we like doing it, because it doesn't seem like a burden and elicits satisfaction and gratification from within us.

People who enjoy their work and experience in their jobs what Mihali terms as flow [1,2], may also be beset with times that are difficult and leave them feeling exhausted and dissatisfied. It may also not be possible to be totally free of extrinsic factors that influence our decision to pursue what we want. Hence there can be periods where the challenges and requirements that our work calls for may not match with our abilities. It becomes important during these times, not be judgemental and not to question the validity of the path we are following. If one feels dissatisfied 11 months in a year doing what one does, its probably advisable to look for another job. But people who experience flow occasionally are also bound to have difficult times. As Nobel Prize winners are announced each year, the contestants who do not make it have been reported to fall in depression.

How do we deal with our emotions during such difficult times? Cognitive techniques [3] do certainly help. However, owing to its specificity, the situation in hand may call for a resonant treatment. Gratitude comes as an alleviating emotion during such times. As much as it is important to realize the distortions in our thoughts, it is crucial during difficult times, to invoke positive feelings of gratitude towards how things have evolved for us in the past. We may not restrict gratitude to our work domain. We may remind ourselves of being fortunate in having been blessed with people who care for us and help us in numerous ways, conciously or otherwise. This changes the frame of our thinking: from a negative one to a positive one. The inclination to compare the current difficult situation with good occasions in the past can be a distorted approch and can invoke feelings of inadequeacy and shame. Gratitude on the other hand puts a positive frame around the situation, gives us hope and leads to energization.

We may have observed on several occasions in our lives that we feel good about our selfless actions and gratitude. The positive emotions generated therefrom help dissove the distortions in our thoughts during difficult times. This has a parrallel to Seligman's [4] view that nurturing our positive attributes can be far more rewarding that trying to make up for our shortcomings. The effect of harboring positive emotions can be far more rewarding than attempts to diffuse negative feelings.

[1] Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The Psycology of optimal experience. New York: Harper and Row Publishers, Inc.
[2] Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1997). Finding flow: The psycology of engagement with everyday life. New York: Basic Books.
[3] Burns, D. D. (1990). The feeling good handbook. New York: Penguin Group .
[4] Seligman, M.E.P. (2002). Authentic Happiness. New York: Free Press.