Often a times one may be beset with proposals of change. These proposals may come from near ones, parents, people at authority, job supervisors, or most interestingly one's own critical self!

A change, if advocated with criticism doesn't happen, or if it does, it is accompanied by self doubt. And while it is known that people do not always act in self-interest, we do sometimes tend to take genuine intentions as being critical and purposely targeted, especially if these do not seem like expressed in a sound and congenial fashion. A teenager for instance won't like his parents asking him to stop smoking. An employee doesn't want to listen to an arrogant boss. You don't like nagging yourself for not being able to break habitual procrastination.

Is there a way out?
O well, the freedom paradox has just come to your rescue! (presumptous as you may think I am, I am pretty excited about it)
For what is intended as a change in the other party, can be gracefully suggested, and if actually ascertaiend to be beneficial, effected, if they are given the freedom not to change and shown in what way not changing is not irrational after all. It would frequently so happen that the merits for change are already known, but certain hidden payoffs for not changing continue to support the barrier. Once the party is reassured that the payoffs are not irrational but the change has merits too, a sense of freedom and choice is thereby generated. The party feels in charge of the situation, the decision is theirs and hasn't been forcefully suggested. It is also needed that the person negotiating with or advising the other party respect and be open to either of the choices to be adopted. Also this mode of suggestion helps the advisory make a fuzzy bid and to save face in light of any of the choices adopted by the advisee.

A sipervisor may want to advise his employee a change. He can effect that, without losing goodwill, by bringing his opinions to his employee's notice while geninely accomodating his right to freedom.

The advisee and the advisory can indeed be the same person! If you nag yourself for not being able to change, you may never change or change with diminished self-esteem. On the other hand if you give yourself freedom, the freedom paradox opens you to the change and that too with enhanced self esteem.


Try conducting behavioral experiments to verify thoughts. Grab opportunies in day to day life, and if you don't see them coming, create them for yourself.

Have fun!!

---------