My dearest Dave Evans,

Oh beautiful angel! How I yearn for your velvet touch and how my lips burn for your moist kiss which is sweeter then the nectar which drips from the earth's most beautiful flower.

Should a thousand angels tear out my heart with the forsaken instrument of death, it would still beat for you a million times and call your name in the night. I just cannot explain the passion inside which burns for you.

What manner of creature can resist those mystifying brown eyes of yours remind me of little raisins, and many a times I have wonder if you have real raisins inside your eyeballs. Do they make you see any better?

I admire the way you brush your lovely brown hair, and its funny when your hair collects static and stands on end. It reminds me of a cute little hedgehog, or even one of those little troll dolls!

Its great to go out with you on a night. I really enjoy our time together when we hit the clubs in town. Its even funnier watching your face when we get escorted out of the club, whenever I get drunk and start humping the bouncer's leg for fun!

Words alone cannot express how unique my love is for you. I love you, and you only, I swear that to you my love ....having said that I do love my MP3 player which I've had to replace twice, because you keep smashing it up for not letting you borrow it, but thats besides the point. My point is that I love you and my love for you is unique (isn't it weird how the word 'unique' and 'eunuch' sound the same? The word Unix also sounds similar, but 'Chimpanzee' doesn't)

I really must tell you though, I absolutely adore your gorgeous legs! I think if God created something truly amazing, then its definitely gotta be your legs! I know some people say the same thing about horses and giraffes, but I think your legs exceeds anything else!

Anyhow my love, I must bring this letter to an end now. But I must tell you something. I've always wondered what you would look like in PVC underwear. I really think you would be the hottest thing on this planet in PVC underwear and you could easily overthrow any model out there! If you wear those for me, I promise to worship you and treat you like royalty (Just so long as you don't make me clean your toenails with a toothbrush! I draw the line there).

You are always in my thoughts my dear lover, with every fiery red flame of passion within my burning soul which is dark and empty without your gentle caressing touch!

I remain a humble slave in your lustful thoughts,

Mysterious 203 Student

oooxxxooo