The American View of France
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." ---Mark Twain
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--- General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
---- Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
---Rush Limbaugh
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--- Regis Philbin
There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and beautiful young woman sitting together in a carriage in a train going through a French Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel the woman and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face where he had been slapped. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed her and she missed him and slapped me instead.' The woman was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'
An old saying:
Raise your right hand if you like the French....
Raise both hands if you are French.
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"
---Jay Leno
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman
RH: Enough jokes for today. WAIS is a serious organization. However, these jokes do tell us something about the American attitude toward France.
A resident of France for some 40 years, David Pike writes: I am not convinced that what Nushin Namazi had to offer was the best selection of jokes at the expense of the French. I could give a selection of European responses, but to what purpose? If Nushin Namazi found his jokes funny, remember Goethe's comment, "You can tell any man's character by what he laughs at." More to the point, General James Jones, Supreme Allied Commander Europe, was our guest the other day for breakfast at the Press Club (Anglo-Americans only). He had nothing but praise for the cooperation of the French, who now have overall Allied ground command both in Kosovo and in Afghanistan. Jones's mind is as far from Nushin Namazi's as two minds can get. Those who berate the French and adore Blair on the question of Irak remind me of what Tennessee Williams once wrote: "Love, that's owning people, isn't it? And hatred, that's not being able to." RH: General Jones knew that his remarks would get to the French, so he was circumspect. Rightly or wrongly, the jokes forwarded by Nushin Namazi express the common American attitude toward France.
A posting with a long list of American jokes about France revealed the prevalent view of France in the US. Naturally it was not well received in France, whence Christopher Jones writes: Coming on a day when a US soldier shot a wounded Iraqi in agony, who was sprawled on the ground in a mosque in Fallujah, all while being taped while he committed the crime, and the death of humanitarian aid worker Margaret Hassan who was against the war and UN sanctions on the Saddam government, this message is a wonderful example of American bad taste engendered by a government that is coming perilously close to being called criminal. America has a lot to learn, and it could start learning from France. Despite their snide snickering, and despite all this American bravado, there was no 9/11 in France. Its efforts to strike a balance in the Middle East have been in place since the establishment of the Fifth Republic. We all know the truth: the evangelical Bush-niks have led America to Fallujah, and Mosel, and Tora Bora, and . . . . . . . . Sadly it seems that Americans have forgotten the name of Lafayette and Rochambeau. They certainly have forgotten the name of Frederick Stanley Maude.
RH As for Lafayette and Rochambeau, France was following John Heelan's counsel of fighting in another continent using another nation's troops, which John said has been US policy. As for General Frederick Stanley Maude, I doubt any Americans know his name, which does not appear in any of the American encyclopedias I have. Here is an excerpt from the article about him in The Brainy Encyclopedia (!!). He arrived to catch the end of the British failure at the Siege of Kut He was promoted to Lieutenant-General and commander of the newly dubbed Tigris Corps (3rd Army Corps) in July 1916. Despite being instructed to do no more than hold the existing line, Maude set about to reorganising and re-supplying his mixed British and Indian forces. He was made commander of all Allied forces in Mesopotamia in late July 1916. Despite the hopes that the Mesopotamian campaign would die down, Maude directed his force in a steady series of victories. Advancing up the Tigris and winning the battles of Mohammed Abdul Hassan, Hai and Dahra in January 1917, recapturing Kut in February 1917 and then taking Baghdad on March 11, 1917. From Baghdad he launched the Samarrah Offensive and extended his operations to the Euphrates and Diyala rivers. After a lull over the summer, by November his forces were engaged at Ramadi and Tikrit when he became ill from cholera (apparently from drinking milk) and died.
RH: The present Iraq war is a replay of the British war there in 1914-18. I have seen no articles making the comparison. Since the British operation did not produce a definite solution to the "Messupatamia", this may avoid an odious comparison . As for cholera, we have had very few reports about disease among "coalition" forces. At least, I trust the troops are not drinking milk. What about cholera among the Iraqis?
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