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What is Relationship Abuse? Relationship Abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. An abusive relationship means more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about you. Abuse can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern to try to control her/him. It is not your fault If you are being abused by your partner, you may feel confused, afraid, angry and/or trapped. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse. You may also blame yourself for what is happening. But no matter what others might say, you are never responsible for your partner's abusive actions. Dating abuse is not caused by alcohol or drugs, stress, anger management, or provacation. It is always a choice to be abusive. * Content courtesy of the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness, www.stoprelationshipabuse.org |
If you need assistance, would like information on how to help a friend, or want to learn more about relationship abuse, please select the appropriate link below:
- If you are being abused or think you are being abused, you should seek help immediately. Listed are a number of local and nationwide resources (including confidential hotlines) to assist you.
- Understanding relationship abuse can help you know if you or someone you know is a victim of relationship abuse - male or female. Relationship abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. An abusive relationship means more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about you.
- Many survivors find that emotional abuse is difficult to name or even talk about. They often wonder if it is serious because it isn't visible, like bruises or broken bones. Emotionally abused survivors state that one of the biggest problems they face is that others seldom take it seriously. These questions will help you identify if you are being emotionally abused, and provide some ideas on available support and resources.
Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
- Signs of abuse can be difficult to recognize, especially from within a relationship. Friends, family members, and colleagues may often be the first to notice signs of being in a controlling and abusive relationship. These are signs or "red flags" to assist in identifying whether you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship and can also help identify a potentially abusive person.
Understanding Power & Control in an Abusive Relationship
- Abusive relationships rarely start with physical violence and incorporate numerous methods of one person exerting power and control over another. This diagram exhibits some of the common ways that abusers control their victims and why abuse can be so much more than physical or sexual violence. This diagram can also be used to recognize if you or someone else is being abused and some of the barriers to leaving the relationship.
Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship
- "Why is my friend still in an unhealthy relationship? Why don't they leave?" The reality is that there are many barriers to finding safety from an abusive relationship. Leaving can sometimes be dangerous and there are many factors that an abusive partner can use to keep the victim from leaving the relationship. Understanding these issues can better assist someone to help a victim out of an abusive relationship.
- Friends, family members, and colleagues may often be the first to notice signs of someone being in a controlling and abusive relationship. Knowing the facts about relationship abuse and the resources available will help you to assist them in getting out of the relationship. Provided is a list of considerations and advice for effectively helping a friend who is being abused.
- Learn how to develop a personal safety plan for yourself if you need to leave suddenly and where you can go safely for help. These tips include how to prepare to set yourself up independently, away from your abuser, both temporarily and permanently. There are also safety tips for how to better protect yourself prior to or during a physical attack.
- Statistics regarding female victims of domestic violence.
How to Get a Restraining Order
- A Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRA) is a court order that will help to protect you from abuse. California's Domestic Violence Prevention Act (DVPA) defines domestic violence as threatened or actual abuse from someone with whom you have had a close relationship (past or present). A Domestic Violence Restraining Order tells the abuser through legal action to stop harming or threatening you. The State of California offers free legal assistance to those seeking help with a restraining order. This resource will help you with getting a restraining order and where to go for more information.
- Domestic violence is against the law, no matter what your legal status here is. The police are not supposed to turn you in to Citizenship and Immigration Services if you are calling to report domestic violence. Remember that you have the right to keep your immigration status private. You do not have to tell the police or a shelter whether or not you are here legally. You do not need to be a citizen or legal resident to get a restraining order. Find out more about the resources available to help you.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Línea de Emergencia Nacional para Violencia Doméstica: 1-800-799-7233
Asian multilingual 24-hour crisis hotline: (408) 975-2739
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Resources for People in Same Sex Relationships
For additional information and resources, including counseling, on controlling and abusive relationships, please visit:- Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness (650) 736-2276
- Support Network for Battered Women (800) 572-2782)
- AACI's (Asian) Domestic Violence Program (408) 975-2739
- Stanford Resources
- YWCA Sexual Assault Center (650)725-9955
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