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What Men Can Do To Stop Rape

Be Aware

• Words are very powerful, especially when spoken by people with power over others. Words are often used to put women down and calling a girl or woman a "bitch," "freak," "whore," "baby," or "dog" is common. Such language sends a message that females are less than fully human. When we see women as inferior, it becomes easier to treat them with less respect, disregard their rights, and ignore their well-being.
• Understand the arguments against pornography depicting adult women. Realize that the sex trade in this country is worth billions of dollars. Examine your thoughts about the existence of strip clubs, prostitution and related sex trade businesses. Question the purpose behind the proliferation of explicit and graphic sex sites on the Internet. Think about how eroticizing violent sex contributes to violence against women.
• Don’t fund sexism. Refuse to purchase any magazine, rent any video, subscribe to any Web site, or buy any music that portrays girls or women in a sexually degrading or abusive manner. Protest sexism in the media.
• Rape won’t be taken seriously until everyone knows how common it is. In the U.S. alone, more than one million women and girls are raped each year (Rape in America, 1992).

Speak Up

• You will probably never see a rape in progress, but you will see and hear attitudes and behaviors that degrade women and promote rape. When your best friend tells a joke about rape, say you don't find it funny. When you read an article that blames a rape survivor for being assaulted, write a letter to the editor. When laws are proposed that limit women's rights, let politicians know that you don't support them. Do anything but remain silent.
• Don’t engage in any forms of sexual harassment, such as whistling, cat-calling, unwanted touching, outrageous or inappropriate behavior. Women are not public property, available for our intrusions. Neither are men.
• Develop an awareness of the cultural supports for violence against women. Develop the ability to recognize myths which support violence against women. When you see sex without consent on TV, in a film or read it in a book, remind yourself that such behavior is rape.
• If a brother, friend, classmate, or teammate is abusing his female partner—or is disrespectful or abusive to girls and women in general—don’t look the other way. If you feel comfortable doing so, try to talk to him about it. Urge him to seek help. Or if you don’t know what to do, consult a friend, a parent, a professor, or a counselor. DON”T REMAIN SILENT.

Talk with Women ...

• About how the risk of being raped affects their daily lives; about how they want to be supported if it has happened to them; about what they think men can do to prevent sexual violence. If you're willing to listen, you can learn a lot from women about the impact of rape and how to stop it.  
• Believe people when they tell you they’ve been raped or harassed. Support what they say about it. Don’t ask about their behavior or what they were wearing, etc. Listen to them.
• Recognize that women neither ask for nor deserve to be raped ever.

Talk with Men ...

• About how it feels to be seen as a potential rapist; about the fact that 10-20% of all males will be sexually abused in their lifetimes; about whether they know someone who's been raped. Learn about how sexual violence touches the lives of men and what we can do to stop it.
• Mentor and teach young boys about how to be men in ways that don’t involve degrading or abusing girls and women. Volunteer to work with gender violence prevention programs, including anti-sexist men’s programs. Lead by example.
• Approach gender violence as a MEN’s issue involving men of all ages and socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds. View men not only as perpetrators or possible offenders, but as empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers.

Communicate

• Sexual violence often goes hand in hand with poor communication. Our discomfort with talking honestly and openly about sex dramatically raises the risk of rape. By learning effective sexual communication -- stating your desires clearly, listening to your partner, and asking when the situation is unclear -- men make sex safer for themselves and others. If you are unsure of how she is feeling, you could ask, “Is this comfortable?” or, “Are you feeling okay about this?”

Don't ever have sex with anyone against their will!

• No matter what. Although statistics show most men never rape, the overwhelming majority of rapists are male. Make a promise to yourself to be a different kind of man -- one who values equality and whose strength is not used for hurting.
• Take responsibility for your sexuality. Never assume that if you are being sexual with a person in one way, then you can automatically be sexual with them on another level. Kissing or stroking doesn’t mean that sexual intercourse is next.
• Be responsible with your penis. “Having an erection doesn’t mean you have to put it somewhere.”
• Take “no” for an answer. Heed the “no” equivalents (“stop,” “I don’t want to do that,” “I’m not ready,” “that isn’t what I want,” etc.) The assumption that women say “no” when they really mean “maybe” or “yes” is just that-an assumption. Don’t ignore a woman if she says “no” or seems reluctant or resistant in any way. If she really means yes, then she should have the space to say “yes.” The right to say “no” is linked with the right to say “yes.” And the right to say “no” is a constant, regardless of previous sexual relations. Silence doesn’t equal consent.
• Check out the sex you have with your girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, partner or in one-night stands. Make sure that the sex you have is always consensual. Never pressure a woman to have sex. Realize that your strength, seize, social role and age are all factors that can contribute to a woman’s feeling of powerlessness against your pressure for sex. Do not expect sex in return for buying her dinner of doing her a favor, do not blackmail her with ending the relationship.
• It’s never okay to use force or coercion. Don’t assume that just because a woman dresses or flirts in a manner you consider to be sexy means that she wants to have sex with you. A woman does not provoke rape, whether by her appearance or by agreeing to go to a man’s room or house. The person responsible for the rape is the person who uses force, pressure and does not obtain consent.