Communication & Consent
Without consent, intercourse is rape and sexual contact is sexual assault. This remains true even if consensual sex has taken place in the past, even if an expensive night out has been paid for, and even in the absence of explicit protest. Acquaintance rape can happen to women and men of any sexual orientation. It is estimated that 80-85% of rapists are known to the person they attack.
Consent - Consent is based on choice. Consent is active not passive. Consent is possible only when there is equal power. Giving in because of fear is not consent. Going along with something because of fear is not consent. Going along with something because of wanting to fit in with the group, being deceived, or feeling bad is not consent. Being verbally, emotionally, psychologically, or physically pressured into any kind of sexual activity is not consent. If you cannot say "no" comfortably then "yes" has no meaning. If you are unwilling to accept a "no" then "yes" has no meaing.
There must always be active consent on both sides. Consent to one thing does not imply another. If limits are made clear and consent is not given, pressuring someone into changing their mind is not consent. → If you are unwilling to accept a "no", then "yes" has no meaning.
To avoid misunderstandings about consent, remember
- that confusing, ambiguous, or implicit consent is not consent;
- that not saying "no" is not consent;
- that intoxicated or intimidated people cannot give consent;
- to not make assumptions about a person’s sexual limits based on their behavior or dress;
- to continually check in with your partner both verbally and non-verbally to confirm that you both want the same degree of intimacy.
Clear and assertive communication of sexual limits in potentially intimate situations is the single most important protection strategy in avoiding acquaintance rape or assault.
Others include
- Trust your intuition in deciding whether a situation is threatening. Don’t talk yourself into staying; when in doubt, get out.
- In the early stages of a relationship, suggest getting together in public places or with a group.
- In critical situations, buy time, feign bizarre behavior, and/or resist with full physical force.
- Learn self defense skills. Register at 725-4211.
Going along with an assault may be your only choice to prevent escalating violence. This is not the same as giving consent.
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Date Rape Drugs
In all cases, drugs and alcohol, whether considered a "date rape drug" or not, can make someone more vulnerable to sexual violence. Regardless of whether alcohol or drugs were a factor in an assault, the assault is never the victim's fault.
Predatory drugs, also called date rape drugs, include GHB (gamma hydroxybutyrate), Rohypnol, and Ketamine. These are odorless, colorless drugs that can easily be slipped into a drink. They can produce disorientation, loss of inhibition, and unconsciousness. They may also cause amnesia as an aftereffect. They are fast-acting and more dangerous when combined with alcohol.
Avoid drinking a drink which may have been tampered with. If you didn’t see the drink being prepared, or if the drink has been out of your sight, then don’t drink it. If you feel that you may have ingested a date rape drug, then call 9-911 from on-campus or 911 from off-campus. Request a urine test as soon as possible in order to gather evidence, although traces may be detectable up to 72 hours after ingestion.
For more information on alcohol and other date rape drugs, plesae visit the page on Alcohol & Drugs.
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