Dartmouth Round Robin Summary
November 19-21, 2004
By Chris Fesenmaier

Full scores for the matches (GW) here and (Conn. College) here and (Bowdoin) here.

This year's trip to Dartmouth began under the cover of darkness like most others, except at 5:30 am on Friday morning rather than late Thursday night due to the author's intense dislike of red-eye flights. In what seemed to be a squash miracle, nearly the entire team arrived at the Tressider bollards within 10 minutes of the set meeting time. The one exception would be Jon "A-Game" Levine, who seems to miss Sam so much he has taken to emulating his style. While his alarm clock coincidentally failed to go off, thankfully he had left his phone on so that the multiple calls awoke him. While most of the piled into "Professor" Talbott and Aaron's cars, Chris took a detour to Stern to pick up Jon, dressed in shorts and a sweatshirt, his arms full of a jumble of clothes and rackets. Nevertheless, the entire team arrived at San Francisco airport with time to spare, even allowing for Jon to change into fancy new clothes his mom had bought for him, but not before he posed for a picture beside a stylish Kabir "Kibbles" Chadha. The team encountered a small difficulty when freshman "Honest" Abe Chiang decided that his real name was Hyosang and not Abraham, prompting the TSA to do a full strip search of his person.

Things were going well, but as anyone familiar with the team knows, this couldn't last long. After boarding the plane and waiting at the gate for over an hour, the pilot informed us of some minor technical difficulties with the cabin pressurization system that would require us to fly at a lower altitude (ummm). Then after a brief taxi to the edge of the runway, he changed his mind and said that the plane was unflyable. Some tired players who woke up to the sounds of people unbuckling their seatbelts were overjoyed at the prospect of sleeping for the entire flight, until they realized that Boston's airport mysteriously looked like San Francisco's. After much chaos, the men settled into waiting mode, which included poker using several hundred pennies and featured freshman Ken King "Kong" schooling supposed poker master "Boy" George Kwon in the first hand. Captain Chris "FCC" Fesenmaier was able to sweet-talk his way into meal vouchers, which Jon then used to buy $10 worth of cookies (I think around 18 of them) from Subway, although his newfound richness did not provide him with enough courage to approach the cute girl in line. Freshman phenom Andrew "Burmon" Burmon (not a typo) and Dave "Monkees" Herbert were lucky enough to be members of the American Airlines Admiral's club, so they enjoyed cocktails and comfy leather chairs while their teammates suffered with the commoners. Finally, after 7 hours of delay, the team boarded their new and more spacious plane, which allowed plenty of room for everyone to stretch out on. Important lessons learned on the plane included how to pound our chest before battle, thanks to King Arthur, and how many times Jon can ask Coach about his nicknames (the answer: infinity).

More problems arose upon arrival, however. Since we were landing at 11:30 pm instead of 4:30 pm, our 9 pm match vs. Bates was obviously canceled. In addition, Enterprise was already closed, leaving us with no rental car. Although Mr. Burmon had "made a few phone calls to some associates" to get us a bus up to Dartmouth, we discovered that National was open and were hooked up with a pimping 15-passenger van. Thankfully, the only problem for the rest of the night was which radio station to listen to, as somehow the classic rock-obsessed sophomore Herbert had usurped shotgun and was in control of the radio, while more contemporary Boy George and A-Game were pushing for Coldplay and Ben Folds, respectively. George also showed off his car-game skills, losing 5 straight rounds of ghost before giving up. At 2:30 am, we finally arrived in beautiful White River Junction, Vermont, and checked into the HoJo, delighted to find that our uniform jackets and Mrs. Fesenmaier's home-baked cookies were waiting for us.

With most players having slept very little the night before because of the early flight and the fact that we had a 9 am match vs. George Washington on Saturday morning, the team was sufficiently sleep-deprived. The men fought through it, though, starting out the weekend on a high note with an 8-1 victory over #25 GWU. Aaron would like to mention that he made his opponent puke after the match. We were delighted to have a cheering section, including the Fesenmaiers, Burmons (plus their dog), Levines, Mr. Ligon, Mrs. Gauvey, and several of George and Kenny's friends.

After a short lunch at Everything But Anchovies (EBAs), the official Hanover restaurant of the Stanford squash team and of Dartmouth athletics (or so they claim), the team returned to the courts to battle a very tough #14 Bowdoin squad. Aaron "Pokemon" Ligon pulled out the only win (rather easily) at the #7 spot in the team's 1-8 loss. Many players came up just short, as #8 Herbert's and #9 Abe lost close 5-game matches, with Abe's going to a tiebreaker in the 5th. #2 Chris barely lost the first game 10-9 before going quietly into the night in the next two games.

Saturday night brought a variety of experiences for the Stanford players. A delicious team/parents dinner was very appreciated, as was the chance to meet the delightful Mr. Burmon, who seems to be vying to replace LG. The team then left to go back to the hotel (except Jon, more on that later), but not without a detour to bring some Conn College girls to the courts courtesy of the pimpmobile. Most of the guys stayed home to sleep. Aaron and Chris quickly showered and left to attend the Howie Day/Dashboard Confessional concert in the auditorium immediately next to the courts, thanks to tickets provided by Jacqueline, their new security friend. Although they arrived too late to see Howie Day, they were treated by Jacky's sister to some authentic Dartmouth frat parties. On their way back to the hotel, they stopped by a Jon's friend's sorority house to pick up A+Game, who appeared smiling, "with a twinkle in his eye."

The next morning featured a 10 am match vs. #26 Connecticut College. The adorable couple of George and David arrived together to breakfast again. Alas, the roles were reversed from Stanford's close victory a few years ago, as Conn College barely pulled off the upset by a score of 5-4. #4 Kwon lost a thriller in 5 games, while #7 Ligon again was dissatisfied with merely winning and instead ran his opponent until he sprained his ankle. #2 Chris also stayed cool on the court during his 3-1 victory while his opponent showed off his temper and racket-throwing abilities, eventually shattering his racket and tossing it in the garbage after the match was over. It was a tough loss for the team, although it was to a much-improved Conn College squad.

After retreating to the hotel for showers and saying goodbye to the manager who had quickly become attached to us, the men had a quick lunch at EBAs once again and left for Boston airport. The following several hours have since become legend.

The team left Hanover at 3:30. With a 2.5 hour drive ahead of them, they were already cutting it a bit close for the 7:00 flight. Exhausted, most of the team immediately fell asleep, including copilot Levine, who somehow did not awake throughout the fiasco. About 20 minutes into the drive, the author was awakened by Coach's question "Did we miss the exit for 89?" After deliberating for a while, it was decided that we should stop off and get some help. In a coincidence that can only be explained by the fact that Mark Talbott knows everyone in New England, the driver Coach asks for directions happens to be the business director at the school where the Talbott Squash Academy is (or something like that). We then departed, with Mark's assertion that he has traveled this exact route many times on the way back and forth from a cabin in Maine. He then demonstrated the sheer power of the pimpmobile, passing slower and less enormous vehicles with a roar of the engine, transforming the white van into a veritable bullet. Backroads and highways became our racetrack as puny sedans yielded to our immensity. After Burmon played navigator since we basically passed by his house, as well as Walden Pond and Sleepy Hollow, we got onto the Massachusetts Turnpike with an hour until flight time and saw an ominous sign: "Boston 39 mi." It was at this point that the author lost all hope and began to question the divinity of his coach, who had proclaimed earlier that he had never missed a single flight in all his years of traveling. But oh ye of little faith! At precisely 6:34 pm EST the team rolled out of the van amid shouts of "Go! Go! Go!" as if under heavy enemy fire and loading equipment out of an armored vehicle. Somehow, and I'm still not sure how, Mr. Burmon had procured all our boarding passes and was already waiting at the curb. We were rushed through security (they did check our IDs, if you're worried) and sprinted to the gate, arriving with almost no time to spare. In a true reflection of his character, however, A-Game asked the gate agent if he had time to get food before being shoved down the jetway. The team then breathed a collective sigh of relief as they settled into their seats.

The flight back to San Francisco was dull in comparison, highlighted by the talent of Hillary Duff in the brilliantly-written movie "A Cinderella Story" and Jon again asking Coach a million times for stories and nicknames. And, of course, there was the requisite girl-talk.

All things considered, it was a crazy weekend, but also an important one for a relatively young team. There is no reason these guys cannot be at the top of the C Division once again. The men are looking forward to a better showing at Yale in January where they will have important matches again #17 Denison, #19 Colby, and #22 Rochester as well as a reunion with our 2nd favorite women's team (behind Stanford's). They are also anticipating a visit from the Trinity women, who will be traveling out to Stanford early next year.