Ned Edward Towles Henningsen

Full Name: Ned Edward Towles Henningsen
Year: Sophomore
Hometown: Andover, MA
Major: Italian and something else
Squash Team Nickname: Nedinho, Baby Ned, Kingsley
Squash Background: On the day Ned Henningsen was born, a monkey escaped from the Bronx Zoo in New York, a strange metaphysical coincidence whose cosmic significance has still yet to be unearthed, though some say in the right light and with the right facial expression he can come across quite like a goofy smiling chimp. And so by the transitive property, Ned Edward Towles Henningsen also bears the honorable resemblence of our nation's 42nd president, George W. Bush. Of course, that monkey was also immediately destroyed by a passing Mack Truck, which insures that Ned has spent his entire life in a little box, and ah!....that's where Squash begins... Urged to play by the pestering proposals of his gadfly mother, Ned, young and insolent, eventually took up the racquet and to his great surprise discovered that he was the best player in the history of Squash. It is rumored that when he picked up the racquet for the first time golden light poured forth from the ceiling, and thousands of miles away, Mark Talbott fell to his knees and began to weep. Since then he has performed miracles, including turning squash balls into tiny vanilla wafers that can be eaten with a light brie and raspberries.

At Phillips Academy Andover he was hailed as the next "that kid who got pretty good in a year and was able to play varsity" and dominated King of the Court, though others claimed that he was confused, and that despite their best efforts he fiercely believed "winning" to be remaining in the serving box, where he ruled with an iron fist. Since joining the Stanford squad on a full scholarship on opposite day as the 05-06 season's top recruit, he has made a serious impression on the Stanford Squash courts, which he will have to pay for. Contracting mono his freshman year not from kissing but from licking pennies he had found on the street and tasting for "luckiness", he spent much of the season in bed with his ex-girlfriend, also mono ridden, asleep. Upon returning to his former formidible physical stature, Ned terrified men and women where he walked, who afterwards swore that they had seen a giant man large as a house and whose breaths blew like the cold billows of winter. He played at nationals, drawing Yassar El-alaby in the first round and licking him (he was lucky).

But by whatever rounding error the squash gods are prone to, he finished the season 225th in the nation (don't let the muggles know how many players there actually are!), but on top of his own little world. Asked how he feels about playing NAVY this coming Saturday, he says simply this- "So, Tucker George (yeah you- I know you're reading this, Tucky Tuck Tuck, looking for recon info like they teach you to do up in that boat school) do you feel lucky? Do ya? DO YAH?! Please god don't hurt me." But seriously, wouldn't it be embarassing if you lost to me? I will be trying my hardest.

Crumple or fold? Fold like I was born for it.