31 October, 1 November 2008, 12 November 2008:
Mixed Results against USC, Navy, and Cal
The Stanford squash team’s 2008-2009 season got off to a good start when, on a surprisingly warm Friday evening, they hosted an up-and-coming USC team. Both teams were looking forward to the match, given last year’s close and hard-fought encounter, which saw USC edging Stanford 5-4. As friends, parents, and lovers trickled in, Stanford’s squash representatives worked hard to procure for themselves all the elements of the uniform, fumbling over shorts, jackets and shirts, in a giddy attempt to coordinate attire. Eventually (almost) complete uniformity was achieved, and the boys were free to admire their smart new look.
After a surprisingly brief introductory ceremony, the West coast showdown began. Playing at the number six spot, David ‘Big Swiss’
Israelachvili got off to a slow start, dropping the first game all too quickly, before rebounding to win 3-1.
Wyatt Hong – who displayed admirable refereeing prowess during David’s match against a USC player whose understanding of the rules was about as sound as David’s understanding of what it is that women want – was, by his own admission, totally unprepared for his college match, which he lost 3-0. Upon further reflection, Wyatt concluded that the most likely cause of his defeat was the fact that he ate subway an hour before playing. The rest of the squash team will pay attention during the rest of the season to ascertain whether Wyatt will have learned his lesson.
At the number four spot, Derek ‘Sweet Pea’ Rowley put forward a strong debut performance, winning convincingly, 3-0.
Meanwhile, veteran Ananth Sridhar had an impressive match to start the season, satisfying everyone in the crowd, momma and poppa smurf in particular. After losing the second game, which ended with a controversial stroke call, Ananth bounced back to take the match 3-1.
Another veteran, number 8 spot William ‘Trombone’ Lewis played a solid match against familiar opponent Dan Altmann, whose mother graciously congratulated William after his 3-0 victory. William’s shots were, by his own admission, a bit looser than he would have liked, but he felt mentally solid, which leads this observer to wonder whether all that trombone playing may not have caused a minor case of delusion.
At number 1, Sam ‘The Preacher’ Gould was involved in a heart-stopping match. The crowd was treated to an entertaining display of well-executed drop shots and improbable nicks, so everyone was a bit disappointed when the USC lefty won in three, putting an all-too-sudden end to an engaging clash.
Overall, Stanford put up a convincing performance, reclaiming the team’s dignity – which had been relinquished the year before – by winning 7-2 with relative ease.
The match against Navy, however, turned out to be a different story.
Over at number six, David ‘Dodgy Surname’ Israelachvili began well, leveling the score at 4-4 after a couple of long rallies. Soon after, however, the fitter and better player turned up the heat, emasculating David in less than twenty minutes. Fortunately, hardly anyone witnessed David’s sorry end, as everyone had their eyes on the riveting match that was taking place on center court, between Pat Bugas and a Navy player who was so large he could easily have been a football player. The two pleased the crowd with a number of deliciously sharp rails and a series of well-constructed rallies. In the end the Navy giant came out on top, Pat’s strong performance notwithstanding.
Following in David’s footsteps, and his own from the day before, Wyatt Hong, playing at number 7, got smoked so fast he didn’t even break a sweat. One wonders whether it is in fact possible to be smoked without sweating, but one also wonders whether a worse joke is even conceivable.
At number four, freshman Derek Rowley provided Navy with its toughest match of the day. After a fiery start in the first game, which he took 9-7, Derek battled hard with Navy’s Allen Hartley, who won the match in four.
Ananth Sridhar got off to a similarly promising start, taking an early
5-3 lead in the first, before capitulating 3-0 to a strong Navy comeback.
Operating under a different alias this time, William ‘Kazoo’ Lewis was slightly under the weather when, on that rainy Saturday morning, he encountered a well-trained machine in Navy senior Kit Zipf. Although Will fought hard in each game, he lost every important point: at 6-6 in the second game, they alternated serves several times, before Kit took the game 9-6. And, in the third and final game, Will managed to take it to 7-7, before once again losing the deciding points, and giving up the match 3-0 (9-4, 9-6, 9-7). Will is looking forward to finding Kit Zipf later in the year and asking him how he got such a cool name; Kit is looking forward to finding Will on a day not preceded by a wild night of drinking, and winning 9-0, 9-0, 9-0.
Leading the team on center court, Sam Gould put up a courageous effort, but was unable to defeat a Navy player whose impressive technique had helped him win against USC’s top-gun earlier in the morning.
Stirred, but not overly shaken by the loss, Stanford men’s team looked forward to their next opportunity to beat up on a relatively weak opponent, when they played Cal eleven days later.
Predictably, Stanford won easily, taking all nine matches comfortably.
Wyatt Hong evidently chose not to dine an hour before the match this time around, as he won in three, while David showed once again that he cannot be relied on to keep score, given his rather alarming incompetence with numbers.
On center court, Sam ‘The Minister’ Gould practiced wowing the crowd, not with homiletic speeches, but by diving for seemingly out-of-reach balls, in a desperate attempt to win rallies he didn’t need to win, as he already had a comfortable lead. The apparent pointlessness of it all, however, did not prevent the crowd from enjoying the acrobatic displays of the player whose looks alone are responsible for about 50% of the fan turnout.
As the team readies itself for its first away trip, it can look back with confidence on two convincing victories and an all but inevitable defeat. Remarkably, the team has even got its post-introduction huddle shouts in order (for which Pat, who has taken charge of the countdown, deserves all the credit). The season rolls on.