(to the tune of "Come Join the Band," which is actually the "Air" from the "New Colonial March" by R.B. Hall)

Come Join the Trumpz
You know we've got some large love pumps
Horns at our lips
And some excitement 'twixt our hips
Each man well hung
And ev'ry gal can double-tongue!
Becky's Sexion spurs erection
On a mission to corrupt the young

(Editor's note: though as of 1/1/97 the phrase "Becky's sexion" does not apply in the literal sense, we have left it in to appease proponents of The Other Interpretation.)

Verse 2: Home Sweet Home

Now that you're here
You can forget that cheap-ass beer
Cuervo each day
Will shoo those problem sets away
And as you blow
Your inhibitions start to go...
Higher! Faster! Louder! Harder!
As you stagger drunken through the show

Verse 3: The Old Fart's Lament

Back in the day
When Doro looked for chicks to lay
E.J. and Steve
Were witness to the Nike heave
Bring back those times
So full of hedonistic crimes
Where the Dollies got their jollies
Now it's just tequila shots and limes!

Verse 4: Defying the Old Fart Godz

Who really cares
About those old trumpz with grey hairs.
Red pleated skirts
Are much more trouble than they're worth!
All that we need
Is trumpet "some" to keep us keyed...
Many talents, gender balance
"Keep it in the sexion" is our creed!

Verse 5: Proving Themselves in Battle