Our story like many other families are sad and very tradgic. Mike and I have composed a letter to our Son Gabriel, it has brought us a great deal of peace to write it. We hope by sharing it to other grieving families that our story can help others in their healing, knowing that they are not alone. ************************* Dearest Gabriel, It was January 26th 2001 when we found out that you were joining our little family, we were so very happy and excited! After months of fertility counseling we were finally expecting the second addition to our family. Gabriel, you were so very loved right from the second we learned of your existence. We had wanted you for what seems like years, and couldn't be happier that you would be here in September. Your older brother Curtis named you right away. I had constantly teased him, "what should we name our new baby?" Curtis replied without thought or hesitation, "Angel". So Angel was your name, everyone referred to you (including family and friends) as "Angel". Your first check up came when you and I were approx. 15 weeks along. At this time we met our new doctor, Dr. Ingram. During this first visit all was well, we couldn't hear your little heart beat quite yet-but as I understood this wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Dr. Ingram went over many different things during this first visit, she suggested that we come and see here again next week to see if we could listen to your heart beat. She also encouraged me to think about a new test called a Triple Screen Test, this blood test was to detect any signs of Down Syndrome and Neural Tube Defect. One week later You, Curtis, and I returned to listen to your heart beat, we found you at a very healthy rate of 140 beats per minute. Dr. Ingram asked if your Dad and I had decided on the Triple Screen Test, and I replied yes we would like the testing. At 17 weeks, we returned to do a very simple and routine blood test. At 18 weeks it was then time to see you with an ultra sound, this test (also routine) would allow the Doctor to see how big you were and if you were healthy. The technician didn't say very much, she could point out small details such as your heart beat (158 beats a minute), your legs, arms, and head. Though, I couldn't see you very clearly, I knew you were beautiful. I left the hospital with a couple of pictures of you, and a warm feeling of love and content. It was but only a few days later that our world would fall apart. It was a Friday afternoon April 27th when your Daddy and I learned that there was a chance that you were a sick little baby. The blood test I had taken had came back with high levels of hormone for a condition called a Neural Tube Defect. In addition the ultra sound we had done came back with inconclusive results. Very upset with the findings we wanted to see specialists in Calgary, we wanted answers that we were unable to find in Cranbrook. Dr. Ingram was quick to refer us to the Maternal Fetal Medical Services at the Calgary Foothills Hospital. May 1st-Daddy, Curtis, You, and I headed to Calgary, we would stay with your Auntie while we were away. May 2nd-We went to the Hospital, today was another ultra sound. After an hour and a half of seeing you on the tiny monitor the technician left and returned with Dr. Elliot. At this time Gabriel, we had remained optimistic, those previous tests were wrong (I just new it). I honestly believed in my heart that you and I were absolutely fine. Dr. Elliot continued to look over the ultrasound monitor, he paused and put his ultra sound probe down. He told us that you we sick and from the results he could conclude your condition and prognosis was grim. Dr. Elliot explained that the following day a group of Doctors would gather and review our case. These Doctors were specialists from Obstrations, Pediatrians, Geneticists etc. and they would give us all the answers the following day. Your Daddy and I cried and cried, we didn't want to accept the Doctors' findings. Somewhere deep down in our hearts we wanted to believe the Doctor was wrong. So a sleepless night, I cried for you. I would hold my stomach just so I hold and stroke you. By this time Curtis was growing suspicious of our behavior and asked what was wrong? We didn't really know what to say at this point, and we wanted to spare him the details until we knew all the facts. I told him that we thought "Angel" was a sick little baby. He replied, "Why was Angel sick?". We told him that we just didn't know. His final comment as he gave me a hug, "Mommy, just give "Angel" some Tylenol. That will make him feel better!" For the first time in many days, Curtis made me smile. His comment so innocent and yet absolutely from the heart. May 3rd- back to the Foothills Hospital. Today we met with Dr. Simrose, a sweet and compassionate lady. She sat down and look us right in the eye, "Your baby is very very sick." She continued to tell us that in addition to a Neural Tube Defect in your spine, you had a lethal and fatal condition called Holoprosensephaly. This condition had filled your tiny head with fluid, and as a result hadn't left enough room for your developing brain to grow. Left with but only a few options, we were advised that there was no chance that you would survive outside my womb. We held each other and cried once again. Having all our options laid on the table, we chose to induce labor. We felt this would be best option, however it was only later that we would realize how very important it would be. May 5th- Curtis' Birthday! We waited to hear from the Hospital as it was thought today would be the day of your birth. Ironic how your Birth dates could be the same day. Having heard nothing from the Labor and Delivery Department at the Foothills Hospital, we planned for Curtis' special day. At 1030 am the phone rang, it was the hospital and it was time for us to go. Grannie Elaine and Grandma Marge joined Mommy, Daddy, and you as we made our trek to the Hospital. After checking in, we met a couple of wonderful Nurses (Lorna and Cheryl) and Doctor ( ....). They were here to help us made your journey into this world as safe and comfortable as they could. We had been prepared, we knew that you would be tiny but you would look like any other new born baby. May 6th- After just 12 hours of labor at 324 am our precious little boy made his entrance into the world. Grannie and Grandma remained by our side the entire duration. From the moment of your birth you did not breath, and you did not move... But you were perfect. Weighing just 279 grams, you had 10 finger and 10 toes..... Just perfect! We all cried and held each other tight, we couldn't believe that you were here and yet you were gone. The Nurse asked us if we had chosen a name for you, it was simple the name Curtis would be proud to give you. Gabriel .... the Arch Angel. Once Daddy and I were left alone with you we cried some more, until I passed out from exhaustion. Daddy remained by your side for the next few hours, I'm not exactly sure what you guys talked about. But the time you spent with him meant a lot. He would later tell me that he said a prayer for you and told you about Curtis and your wonderful family. A few hours later I awoke with Daddy holding your tiny body in a beautiful blanket and dressed in a white Christening gown. For the first time I was able to hold you, you were so small. We didn't say too much, but I prayed for you and asked God to look after you until I could be with you again. I touched your face, your fingers, your feet, and gently kissed your forehead. I would sing to you a song that Curtis and I often sing. It's a song of longing to be at a special place and with special people that you love. I'm sure you will understand why I chose that song, and how very special that song will be. Soon approached the time we needed to say Good Bye. How unfair it seemed, we had only just met. As you laid in the bassinet, Daddy and I reminded you how very much we loved you and that you will always remain in our hearts. I touched your face for the last time and turned to leave. As we left the hospital Nurse Lorna gave us a precious gift. The gift was a memory box, and in the box held your blanket, your white gown, photos of you, your hand and foot prints. These items will be treasured always. May 7th- The following day still very much in disbelief, we arranged for your body to be cremated. We could take you home and where you could be with us always. In theme with your name we chose a urn of small angel, kneeling peacefully in prayer. Today you sit on the mantle in our living room, and everyday I'll see you, and everyday I'll think of you, and everyday I'll pray for you. May 12th- In memory of your birth and in memory of your death, the Chapel at the Foothills Hospital hosts a twice annual Memorial Service for those infants lost at birth. This day was one of the hardest that your Daddy and I had to face. Joined with Poppa Ron and Grannie Elaine, we celebrated you and your life. The service spoke of love and hope, songs were sung that brought tears to all that attended. A candle was lit, for all of our children..... An for you Our Darling Gabriel in your memory. We love you, we love you, we will always love you! Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Curtis