Abstinence - Sexual Health Peer Resource Center

Abstaining from intercourse is the only 100% effective method of contraception. Nothing else guarentees complete protection from pregnancy or from sexually transmitted diseases. While there are many methods of contraception that will be discussed later on, abstinence is important to begin with because it brings up the fact that having sexual intercourse is a choice, and a very personal one at that. There is no reason that anyone should ever feel pressured to have a sexual relationship that they are uncomfortable with or not ready for. Choosing to not have sex is as viable a contraception option as is choosing condoms or pills or an IUD. This is a choice that many college students grapple with and it is important to know that there are as many reasons that people choose not to have sex as there are reasons that people choose to have sex.

What is abstinence?

Abstinence is more than the cliches of”Just say no” or “Wait until marriage” or “You’re too young to have sex.” While those are all very valid reasons, most decisions about abstinence go deeper than that. Abstinence essentially means waiting to choose the right person, the right time, and the right place to have sex. You can choose to abstain for an evening, for a month, or for years, as well as for any time in between. People may choose not to have sex with a particular person, or at a certain time, or in different circumstances.

Isn’t abstinence boring?

No! Sexual behavior isn’t just an all or nothing thing. Abstinence can be defined however you choose it to be. It can include hugging and kissing. It can include intimacy. It can allow for everything except sexual intercourse. Abstinence really is whatever you make of it. There are plenty of other forms of sexual expression that allow affection, intimacy, and love to be demonstrated. See the pages in the beginning about alternatives to sex for a better general idea of the range available!

When is abstinence right for someone?

Just like other forms of contraception and other decisions regarding sexual health, abstinence requires communication and an understanding of one’s self and one’s goals and values. It is important to ask questions about values and morals, future plans and expectations, and about the relationship in question. As with everything, communication is extremely important.

Is it too late to abstain if sex has already occurred?

Just because a previous relationship may have been sexual doesn’t mean that every new relationship had between two people has to become sexual. Nor does it mean that a current relationship has to remain sexual or intimate if you have changed your mind. It is totally normal to reevaluate choices and comfort levels, and communication about these thoughts is an important aspect of any relationship.

After deciding to abstain, how can someone avoid pressure to have sex?

Be clear about your decision: Make sure words and actions express your limits clearly and consistently.
Plan ahead: Intimate circumstances often lead to intimate behaviors, so be sure you are prepared for this to occur.
Speak up: If feeling pressured, make your feelings known. Make sure your decision is respected.
Listen to your partner: Respect your partners views and acknowledge their opinions and needs, too.
Stay in control of the situation: Remember that impaired judgment may have a negative affect on your ability to control your actions and assure that you are comfortable with the situation.


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	Choosing a Method Non-Methods Barrier Methods Hormonal Methods Chemical Methods Combination Methods Intrauterine Device Natural Family Planning Emergency Contraceptive Pill Fertility Charting Abstinence Sterilization	Abstinence Abstaining from intercourse is the only 100% effective method of contraception. Nothing else guarentees complete protection from pregnancy or from sexually transmitted diseases. While there are many methods of contraception that will be discussed later on, abstinence is important to begin with because it brings up the fact that having sexual intercourse is a choice, and a very personal one at that. There is no reason that anyone should ever feel pressured to have a sexual relationship that they are uncomfortable with or not ready for. Choosing to not have sex is as viable a contraception option as is choosing condoms or pills or an IUD. This is a choice that many college students grapple with and it is important to know that there are as many reasons that people choose not to have sex as there are reasons that people choose to have sex. What is abstinence? Abstinence is more than the cliches of”Just say no” or “Wait until marriage” or “You’re too young to have sex.” While those are all very valid reasons, most decisions about abstinence go deeper than that. Abstinence essentially means waiting to choose the right person, the right time, and the right place to have sex. You can choose to abstain for an evening, for a month, or for years, as well as for any time in between. People may choose not to have sex with a particular person, or at a certain time, or in different circumstances. Isn’t abstinence boring? No! Sexual behavior isn’t just an all or nothing thing. Abstinence can be defined however you choose it to be. It can include hugging and kissing. It can include intimacy. It can allow for everything except sexual intercourse. Abstinence really is whatever you make of it. There are plenty of other forms of sexual expression that allow affection, intimacy, and love to be demonstrated. See the pages in the beginning about alternatives to sex for a better general idea of the range available! When is abstinence right for someone? Just like other forms of contraception and other decisions regarding sexual health, abstinence requires communication and an understanding of one’s self and one’s goals and values. It is important to ask questions about values and morals, future plans and expectations, and about the relationship in question. As with everything, communication is extremely important. Is it too late to abstain if sex has already occurred? Just because a previous relationship may have been sexual doesn’t mean that every new relationship had between two people has to become sexual. Nor does it mean that a current relationship has to remain sexual or intimate if you have changed your mind. It is totally normal to reevaluate choices and comfort levels, and communication about these thoughts is an important aspect of any relationship. After deciding to abstain, how can someone avoid pressure to have sex? Be clear about your decision: Make sure words and actions express your limits clearly and consistently. Plan ahead: Intimate circumstances often lead to intimate behaviors, so be sure you are prepared for this to occur. Speak up: If feeling pressured, make your feelings known. Make sure your decision is respected. Listen to your partner: Respect your partners views and acknowledge their opinions and needs, too. Stay in control of the situation: Remember that impaired judgment may have a negative affect on your ability to control your actions and assure that you are comfortable with the situation.