You Know You're In Texas When...

• You notice your radiator is overheating, before you start your car.
• You no longer associate bridges over rivers with water.
• The thermometer in the lid of your Bar-B-Que Grill shows 150 degrees F, before you light it.
• You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
• You hear the weather forecast for 105 degrees without flinching.
• You discover in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car because your steering wheel is so hot.
• You can make instant sun tea or sun tea instantly.
• You run the house a/c in the middle of winter, so you can use your fireplace.
• The best parking is determined by shade...not distance.
• Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
• You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
• Sunscreen is sold year round, it is always kept right at the checkout counter.
• Sunscreen with less than 50 SPF is called 'hand cream.'
• You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
• Some fools market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse... a lot of fools actually try to jog!
• When hot air balloons can't rise because the outside air is hotter than the air inside the balloon.
• When fabric is considered the deluxe interior, rather than stick-to-your-seat leather.
  No one would dream of putting in vinyl upholstery either.
• You see two trees fighting over a dog.
• The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
• Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
• The cows are giving evaporated milk.
• It's overheard: "I wish it would rain - not so much for me, 'cuz I've seen it - but for my 7-year old."
• You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
• You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
• You can make instant sun tea.
• You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
• The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
• You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
• It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
• You burn your hand opening the car door.
• You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
• Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is falling and frying on the pavement.
• You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

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