Rules for living in Dallas

Life in America's fifth largest city

  1. First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It's DAL-LUS.
  2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray.
  3. All directions start with, "Go down to Beltline"...which has no beginning and no end.
  4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic a "scenic drive."
  5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
  6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will get rear ended.
  7. Major roads mysteriously change names and direction at intersections.
  8. Intense construction on the highway system is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.
  9. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we were in Fort Worth!!"
  10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
  11. All old ladies with blue hair in Cadillacs have the right of way. Especially in the vicinity of Neiman Marcus.
  12. If asking directions east of downtown, you must have a working knowledge of Spanish.
  13. Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport has four terminal buildings connected by one tram that never works.
  14. A trip across town will take a minimum of four hours. Pack a lunch.
  15. Don't carry money, jewelry, family, etc., on Martin Luther King Frwy. And keep all doors locked at all times.
  16. The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff is not ornamental.
  17. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking. I'm reloading."
  18. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70... people are not waiving when they go by.
  19. The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of the Nascar circuit.
  20. Any section of Dallas above IH-635 is considered too far and too close to Oklahoma to be driving.
  21. Plano and Flower Mound are not real cities, they were produced and brought to you by the nice people at Disney for the pure entertainment of housewives.

[Main] [Events Calendar] [History] [Contacts] [Membership] [Texas Hot Links] [Humor] [Archives] [Jobs]