Composition Blues Band

Listen to a story about the Composition Blues Band on the Sanford Storytelling Project, featuring Jonah Willihnganz.

 

 

The Composition Blues Band plays "Radical Teacher Man" at CCCC, April 2011:

 

The material below is reproduced from Bob Hodges's Geocities site, circa 2004, retrieved via the Internet Archive "Wayback Machine":

 

CBB LYRICS

Note:  The lyrics for the first four songs listed are reprinted from Marvin Diogenes, "The Rhetoric Blues," in Making and Unmaking the Prospects for Rhetoric: Selected Papers from the 1996 Rhetoric Society of America Conference, ed. Theresa Enos and Richard McNabb, Mahwah, NJ; Lawrence Erlbaum, 1997.  The songs were part of a set performed at RSA 1996 by CBB, which at that time included the following lineup:  Barry Briggs, guitar; Larry Burkett, guitar; Clyde Moneyhun, guitar; John Warnock, bass; Marvin Diogenes, vocals.

Check out the lyrics for:

 

Rhetor B. Goode

Before the modern era, five hundred BC
They overthrew a tyrant down in Sicily
The people there contested every point they could
Taught by a sophist boy called Rhetor B. Goode
He never ever learned to read or write so well
But he could argue both sides as persuasive as hell

Go, go,
Go, Rhetor, go, go, go
Go, Rhetor, go, go, go
Go, Rhetor, go, go, go
Go, Rhetor, go, go, go
Rhetor B. Goode

When Rhetor got no tenure down at Syracuse
He went peripatetic, yes, he got real loose
Wearin' out his sandals ramblin' Athens say
The Greeks all gathered 'round to hear that Rhetor play
He said, "I'll teach you practical philosophy,
and the thing about the truth is its contingency."

Go, go...

Rhetor was a speaker of such wizardry
Made the best appear the worser for a modest fee
His potent words had power close to absolute
Don't ask about his ethics, boy, the point is moot
When Plato had a problem with that oversight
Begged him, "Rhetor be good tonight."

Go, go...

Rhetoric Hotel

Ever since my Plato left me
I've found a new place to dwell
Among doubts and probabilities
in the Rhetoric Hotel

I'm so uncertain
I'm so uncertain, baby
I'm so uncertain I could cry

I said to Aristotle
"Please get me back on track"
He handed me some lecture notes
"Read these and you'll get the knack"

It's just a technê
It's just a technê, baby
It's just a technê, don't you cry

A guy dressed in a toga
Said his name was Cicero
He said, "Everything about everything
is all you need to know"

Along came old Quintilian
instituting oratory
He said, "Be a  good guy all your life,
dare to be hortatory"

Knowledge and virtue
Knowledge and virtue, sonny
Knowledge and virtue show the way

In search of illumination
I went to Lundsford and Ede
How much collaboration
can two people really need?

I read the hotel bible
by Herzberg and Bizzell
It may not be inclusive
But the royalties are swell

It's not the gospel
It's not the gospel, baby
It's not the gospel, just a try

In the continental ballroom
Cheek to cheek with Derrida
He suavely whispered in my ear
"via la differánce"

We're under deconstruction
No faith left in the word
It's terminal dysfunction
when all meaning's been deferred

I'm so uncertain
I'm so uncertain, always
I'm so uncertain, I could cry

Adjunct Blues

One was my BA
Masters made two
Finally got past ABD
My PhD is through
Now don't you
give me those adjunct blues
Cause I did everything
Lay off of those adjunct blues

Took all the classes
Read all the books
Listed the sources
Cited the shnooks
Wrote a dissertation
insightful and true
Then I wrote it all again
when you said to make it new

Now don't you
give me those adjunct blues
I did everything
Lay off of those adjunct blues

Got me a vita
Long as my arm
Letters testifyin'
to my scholarly charm
Sent out my vita
from Quebec to Peru
No one wants to hire me
My loans are coming due

Now don't you...

I'd work in the city
Breathe in the smog
Wouldn't mind the country
Sleep in a log
I'd serve on committees
With a heavy teaching load
I'd swallow all my theory
Heck, I'd even teach the modes

Now don't you...

Rhetoric Society Blues

Went down to Arizona
to a conference called RSA
I wanted a little fun in the sun
But I'm in panels all of the day

I got the Rhetoric Society blues
Each new title makes me squirm
I got the Rhetoric Society blues
Won't someone please define these terms

I've heard calls for counternarratives
Historiographies revisionist
Undermine the old imperatives
It's our duty to be derisionist

I've heard some earnest speakers
valorize liminal transgression
If order is so stultifyin'
Why do we sit still for these sessions

I got the Rhetoric Society blues
All this jargon makes me sweat
I got the Rhetoric Society blues
Are we speaking English yet?

I've heard about the centrality
of rhetorical analysis
If I hear about one more strategy
I'll get rhetorical paralysis

It's not enough to just understand
You're an old dog without some new tricks
Interpretation is old-fashioned and bland
You need radical hermeneutics

I got the Rhetoric Society blues
I can't figure out this deal
I got the Rhetoric Society blues
I ain't got no appeal

Knowledge is never simple
It's situated, disciplinary
Wherever it is you think you are
Turn around to face the contrary

I've heard about the future
in which all text will be hyper
In this hailstorm of verbiage
I'll need hyper windshield wipers

I got the Rhetoric Society blues
My headache is recursive
I got the Rhetoric Society blues
Inner pease is so e-lursive

I went to every session
I noted every word
Heteroglossic polyphony
I think that's what I heard
Nothing left to be foundational
Just blanks for us to fill in
We're living under erasure
in this carnivalesque cotillion

I got the Rhetoric Society blues
A pathetic way to feel
I got the Rhetoric Society blues
I ain't got no appearl
I got the Rhetoric Society blues
I ain't got no appeal

Wired World ("Wild World")

Now that I've made a website for you
You say that you're a Webmaster too
And it's breakin' my heart, you're surfin'
Baby, I'm lurkin'
But if you want to link, take good care
Hope you make a lot of nice links out there
But then a lot of nice links go dead out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wired world
It's hard to get by on a cyber-smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wired world
I'll always recall you like a file, girl

I've seen a lot of what the web can do
Need the latest downloads just to make it through
And I never want to see you crash, girl
A virus can thrash you
So if you want to chat, take good care
Hope you cruise a lot of nice MOOs out there
Just remember that MOOs can turn bad out there

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wired world
It's hard to get by on a cyber-smile
Oh, baby, baby, it's a wired world
I'll always recall you like a file, girl

La la la la la la la dot.com
La la la la la la la dot.com
La la la la la la la dot.com

Oh, baby, baby, it's a wired world...

Service Learning Man ("Secret Agent Man")

There's a man who plans to make some changes
Every site he scans he rearranges
Sees opportunity
In your community
Odds are he'll be somewhere else tomorrow

Beware of pretty theories he will spout
In practice pretty theories don't work out
His methodology
Skin-deep ethnography
Odds are he'll be somewhere else tomorrow

Service Learning Man
Service Learning Man
He's giving you some hours
And takin' down your ways

He must observe to test out his assumptions
Then share his deep insights with all the bumpkins
You feel you're under siege
By his noblesse oblige
Odds are he'll be somewhere else tomorrow

Talk into his tape recorder one day
In a footnote with a fake name next day
He knows what's going on
One-man panopticon
Odds are he'll be somewhere else tomorrow

Service Learning Man
Service Learning Man
He's giving you some hours
And taking away your ways

Fourth Revision ("Folsom Prison Blues")

I hear that deadline comin'
It's up around the bend
There won't be no extension
But now I'm blocked again
I'm on that fourth revision
And I can't do no more
I know I must keep writin'
But now I'm stuck on four

I went in for a conference
To get me some support
He eyed me without mercy
Just like a judge in court
He repeated the assignment
Just to watch me cry
It must be done by Friday
Or like a fish I'll fry

Repeat first verse

Cuantas Palabras ("Guantanamera")

Soyn estudiante sincero
Y Yo trabajo bien duro
Escribo todo el dia
Terminar mi ensayo
Y antes de componer tanto
Hay un numero quiero

Cuantas palabras
Ay, dime, cuantas palabras
Cuantas palabras
Ay, dime, cuantas palabras

Soyn estudiante sincero (I am a student sincere)
Y Yo trabajo bien duro (And I work very hard)
Escribo todo el dia (I write all of the day)
Terminar mi ensayo (To finish my essay)
Y antes de componer tanto (And before I compose too much)
Hay un numero quiero (There is a number that I crave)

Cuantas palabras (repeat chorus)

Writing Czar ("Maggie's Farm")

I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more
I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more
I can't sleep at night ‘cause I overuse TAs
They're enriched by the training if not by the pay
A few years down the road they'll be out the door
I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more

I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more (2)
I sponsor program parties at least two times a year
I put out beer and pretzels and say "Glad you're here"
Between bites they want to know if I can pay them more
I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more

I ain't gonna raise that writing bar no more (2)
The legislators tell us that the work must be assessed
Portfolios are costly, how about objective tests
We'll tell you what you're worth when we see the scores
I ain't gonna raise that writing bar no more

I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more (2)
After the grades are posted, complaints are all I hear
I listen to the stories, but none of them cohere
Chaos is fine in theory but leaves me sore
I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more

I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more (2)
Audience and purpose are always on my mind
I clearly see my purpose but the audience is blind
What they don't understand they just ignore
I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more

I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more (2)
One hundred writing teachers writing comments till they drop
The teachers may turn over but the comments never stop
And still the students' writing is fair to poor
I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more

I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more (2)
I go to every conference regardless of the cost
Jim Sledd hurts my feelings by calling me a boss
when all I do is mind the company store
I ain't gonna be the writing czar no more

WPA ("That'll Be the Day")

Curriculum's impressive
Assessments are progressive
The kudos are excessive when I'm reviewed
They say they will release me
But all they do is tease me
‘Cause each spring time I'm renewed

Oh, WPA
Why do I comply
WPA
I can't tell you why
I say I'm gonna leave
I know that's a lie
‘Cause WPA's never die

Well, they're fundin' all my sections
Give me some discretion
An office, an assistant, a reduced load too
They say they love me dearly
and then they cut severely
Come next year Comp may be through

Oh, WPA...

Well, they give me some release time
Some planning and police time
The budget and the schedule and the complaints too
They say they need me sweetly
But as for tenure, we'll see
Your publications aren't new

Oh, WPA..

Repeat Chorus:
WPA (Cuckoo)
WPA (Cuckoo)
WPA (Cuckoo)
WPAs never die

"Hotel Composition" (Hotel California)

Got to college the hard way
SATs only fair
Saved for in-state tuition
Barely accepted there
Didn't need no assistance
Already knew how to write
Test was required if I wanted in
No good to put up a fight

Teacher stood in the doorway
Said "I'm sure you'll do well"
I was thinking to myself
"What the hell can this stupid test tell"
So I wrote for ten minutes
Seemed like half of the day
There were voices in the corridor
Thought I heard them say:

"Welcome to the Hotel Composition
It's a common place
Such a solemn place
Plenty of room at the Hotel Composition
Any time of year
Lots of sections here"

When I got back my placement
It was pre-101
Though I'd done it all before
They assured me that I'd just begun
Had to buy lots of textbooks
Came to ninety-five big bucks
Get up at eight in the morning
Of course my attitude sucks

Finally got to the classroom
It was not a good sign
Teacher dressed like some hippie chick
from nineteen sixty-nine
She said "Don't rush to judgment,
let dialogue lead the way"
I heard those voices in the corridor
Still could hear them say

"Welcome to the Hotel Composition
You can set the pace
It's a safe, safe place
Plenty of room at the Hotel Composition
Open up your eyes
Dig down deep, revise"

So I drafted some essays
Peer review was assigned
She said, "Trust in each other,"
It was the blind leading the blind
Teacher wrote lots of comments
Didn't say what to do
I tried to break her secret code
But her orders never came through

Finally got through the sequence
Couldn't write anymore
Didn't write any different
than the way I wrote before
Finally took the last final
Swore I'd never come back
Teacher laughed and said I'd write again
A little thing she called WAC

"Welcome to the Hotel Composition
It's a common place
Such a solemn place
Plenty of room at the Hotel Composition
Any time of year
Lots of sections here"

"Composition" (Wooly Bully)

Provost tells English
Better heed the call
Thousands of students
You will teach them all

Composition
That's your mission
Composition
It's tradition
It's your mission

You're the gatekeeper
Build the barricades
No one gets through them
without passing grades

Composition...

Sharon told Bobby
Requirement's a drag
Gotta change something
Get a brand new bag

Abolition
That's sedition
Abolition
bucks tradition
and our mission

Eddie got nervous
We should stick around
It may be service
But it's sacred ground

Composition
That's our mission
Composition
Our tradition
Is our mission
Composition
Our tradition
Is our mission

"Three to Five Sources" (Wild Horses)

Research assignment
One-third of the grade
Teacher's intention
to see of what I'm made
Now it's the last minute
And the library's closed
My internet connection
is kind of indisposed

Three to five sources
That's what the guidelines say
Three to five sources
I will find them some day

My choice of topic,
which the teacher must approve
Should be in the public interest
So there's opinion to move
So I started with abortion
‘Cause it worked back in high school
Teacher said that was off limits
So I switched to welfare rules

Three to five sources...

Evaluate assertions
Build an argument sublime
Try some academic journals
Not just Newsweek and Time
Documentation
Proper form for every cite
It is called plagiarism
when you come off too erudite

Three to five sources
MLA or APA
Three to five sources
I will cite them some day

"Ghost Writers on the Web" (Ghost Rider in the Sky)

As each semester lumbers on, the last assignment looms
Explore an issue of your choice, let innate genius bloom
But the teacher is a puzzle, each lecture sounds like Greek
Just set your browser roamin'....give free enterprise a peek

Http (http)
"W" three ("W" three)
Ghost writers on the web

We've got ten thousand papers here, each one is tailor-made
to satisfy the keenest eye if scrutiny is paid
Proper documentation, each assertion circumspect
Don't even have to proofread....the spelling is correct

Http (http)
Term papers free (term papers free)
Ghost writers on the web

They say the process movement will make us obsolete
Some teachers only give a grade when process is complete
We have outlines to prove inquiry, journal entries for each day
We even have some early drafts, evolving straight to "A"

Http (http)
Process pain-free (process pain-free)
Ghost writers on the web

"La Comma" (La Bamba)

Para usar la comma
Para usar la comma
se necessita coordinating conjunction
coordinating conjunction
si no tiene, si no tiene semi-colon
Yo no soy comma splicer
Yo no soy comma splicer
Soy capitan punctuation
Soy capitan

Comma, Comma
Comma, Comma
Comma, Comma
Comma, ay

Para poner un punto
Para poner un punto
se necesita una sentence completa
una sentence completa
con subject y verba to make it completa
Yo no soy fragment maker
Yo no soy fragment maker
Soy capitan punctuation
Soy capitan

Comma, comma...

Nunca usa first person
Nunca usa first person
no necesita opinion subjectiva
es opinion subjectiva
si no tiene, si no tiene los facts todos
Yo no soy ego hombre
Yo no soy ego hombre
Soy rational, no digo "yo"
Soy rational

Comma, comma...

"Five Paragraphs" (Pink Cadillac)

Well, now I've had my share of schoolin'
So I know just what to do
Ain't no matter what topic I'm doin'
Got a plan and it's clearly foolproof
Well, baby, I got the secret
It's such a simple thing that you'll laugh
Though the teacher don't want me to leak it
Baby, I'll share my craft
Well, honey it don't take no thinkin'
It comes down to basic math
You gotta have your five paragraphs
Thesis in the front
Thesis in the back
Between there are three chunks
Thesis fore and aft
Then you got it right
Gotta have three reasons and you'll sleep sound at night
Honey, don't you worry if you got them you're on track with those
five paragraphs, five paragraphs

Well, now, way back in the Bible
Eve and Adam had a writing class
And the Lord he was the teacher
He wanted them to do well and pass
So he assigned a personal essay
about what Eden meant to them
He wanted them to be authentic
Tell the truth and then say amen
But the serpent, he had a method
that would make that assignment a snap
He told them ‘bout the five paragraphs
Eden in the front
Eden in the back
Between there are three chunks
Eden fore and aft
Ain't this garden nice
Eve, just list three reasons and you'll stay in paradise
Adam, don't you worry, God will pat you on the back
for those five paragraphs, five paragraphs

Now, some folks say it's scary
That I never use less or more
Some say it's arbitrary
It could even be six or four
But I love how they're always stable
I count on how they're always true
Just one number to remember
And the fingers of one hand will do
I can do it with my eyes closed
‘Cause I'm always walkin' down the same path
I gotta have my five paragraphs
Thesis in the front
Thesis in the back
Between there are three chunks
Thesis fore and aft
Then you got it right
Gotta have three reasons and you'll sleep sound at night
Honey, don't you worry, if you got them, you're on track
with those five paragraphs, five paragraphs

Scorned by the MLA (Born in the USA)

Went to school for my Ph.D.
Great books were my pedigree
I planned to make it on the theory scene
Gonna tell the grad students what the theory mean
Born in the MLA
Born in the MLA
Born in the MLA
Born in the MLA

Woke up from those elitist dreams
Lost my taste for universal themes
In my profession now I'm just a slob
Cause I teach composition to the human mob
Scorned by the MLA
Scorned by the MLA
Scorned by the MLA
Scorned by the MLA

In my department I'm a mystery
Colleagues call my work a travesty
Don't teach the best that's been thought and said
Don't spend my time with white guys long dead
Scorned by the MLA
Scorned by the MLA
Scorned by the MLA
Scorned by the MLA

Up for tenure, case was strong
Publications were all wrong
Taught too much, same old song

Couldn't list any MLA panel
They wanted tweed but I come in flannel

Still tryin' to re-make history
Want to find a site that's right for me
MLA's got the biggest show
But 4c's is the place I want to go
Born in good old 4c
Born in good old 4c
Born in good old 4c
Born in good old 4c

Rhetorical Stance (Mystery Dance)

Romeo was desperate, he had pages to fill
Crossed out every sentence ‘cause his purpose was nil
Wayne Booth he was waitin' with a classical net
He said, "Listen to me and we'll save your ass yet"

You gotta know about rhetorical stance
You gotta know about rhetorical stance
You gotta know it
Cause you've tried and you've tried
But you're decontextualized
Yes, your subject is unfocused, your audience too wide

You gotta have a character sincere but not uptight
Cater to their feelings while you instruct and delight
Writing in a vacuum is just not gonna do it
It's a fluid situation and you gotta adapt to it

You gotta know about rhetorical stance...

Romeo denied that Wayne could help him out
If everything's rhetorical, there'll always be doubt
You can learn the lingo from any TA geek
What's the use of learnin' if it's certainty you seek

You gotta know about rhetorical stance...

Your subject is unfocused, your audience too wide (repeat several times)

Get WAC (Get Back)

JoJo makes a living teaching composition
Doesn't mind the heavy load
Likes to teach his class in splendid isolation
Doesn't do it a la mode

Get WAC
Get WAC
Composition cannot stand alone
Get WAC
Get WAC
Do it solo and you're just a drone

Provost wants some proof the Comp Program's effective
Wants a bigger bang per buck
Re-allocate resources, make 101 elective
Looks like JoJo's out of luck

Get WAC
Get WAC
Composition must collaborate
Get WAC
Get WAC
New unions you must consummate

JoJo makes the rounds with seminars and workshops
Striving for the greater good
Faculty say writing shouldn't be their business
Least not in their neighborhood

Get back
Get back
Composition should be on its own
Get back
Get back
Teach them grammar, leave the rest alone

Get back, JoJo
Do that thing you do
Make the spelling good
and the punctuation better

All I Really Want to Do Is Get a Good Grade from You

I don't want to express myself
Coalesce or confess myself
Address myself, outguess myself
Undress, assess, or duress myself
All I really want to do
is get a good grade from you

I ain't lookin' to write too well
Cite, delight, or recite too well
Extemporize well, categorize well
Apprise, surprise, or analyze well
All I really want to do
is get a good grade from you

I don't want to describe my kin
Explore my sin or delve within
Be selective or reflective
Be directive or be effective
All I really want to do
is get a good grade from you

I don't want to explore the world
Abhor, deplore, or implore the world
Valorize, problematize
Theorize, contextualize
All I really want to do
is get a good grade from you

I don't want to organize
Prioritize, hierarchalize
Arrange my thoughts, exchange my thoughts
Tame, re-frame, or defame my thoughts
All I really want to do
is get a good grade from you

I don't want a style pristine
Crystalline or golden mean
Declarative, Imperative
Pejorative or Exhortative
All I really want to do
is get a good grade from you

Don’t Read Twice, It’s Alright (Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright)

 
We’re gathered here to do holistic scoring
See the essays piled high
Well, we’re gathered here to do holistic scoring
On your scores we will rely
You may notice errors that give you a fright
You may want to mark them from morning till night
Against that desire you will have to fight
Don’t read twice, it’s alright

We’ll spend some time establishing the standards
Samples ranked from low to high
Well, we’ll spend some time establishing our standards
You can absorb them if you try
You may have some pet peeves that make you uptight
You may notice missteps subtle and recondite
Just register features that occur in plain sight
Don’t read twice, it’s alright

We’ll be around to monitor your progress
Check your link to the group mind
We’ll be around to monitor your progress
Don’t be too cruel or too kind
If you cling to your vision, we’ll make you contrite
You must see by the glow of the collective light
If we achieve good consensus, no question we’re right
Don’t read twice, it’s alright

Bartholomae (Not Fade Away)

He’s gonna tell you how it’s gonna be
When you invent the university
He’s gonna show you what you need
He’s gonna show you ways to read

David, David Bartholomae
David, David Bartholomae

He doesn’t want to see your soul
He just wants you to learn your role
Know the pose that’s apropos
Know your class from your Elbow

David, David Bartholomae
David, David Bartholomae

He’s gonna choose the books for Pitt
Read the drafts and then edit
Serve on lots of executive boards
Some day win the Exemplar Award

David, David Bartholomae
David, David Bartholomae

Sweet Home in Urbana (Sweet Home Alabama)

It’s where we send in our proposals
No matter how early they’re due
Now, blind review doesn’t bother me
Makes more room for blood that’s new

I heard Dr. Enos sing about it
I heard Theresa put it down
I hope Thessie Enos will remember
Program Chair don’t need her around anyhow

Sweet Home in Urbana
NCTE and 4C’s too
Sweet Home in Urbana
Lord, I’m sending fees to you

They’re cramming bodies onto panels
Roundtables hosting motley crews
As long as my name’s in the program
They can cut my minutes down to two (I don’t think it’s a sin)

In Urbana they love Chicago
Urbana love the Big Apple too
Hotel bills do not bother me
If I can eat St. Martin’s food (and drink their brews)

Sweet Home in Urbana
NCTE and 4C’s too
Sweet Home in Urbana
Lord, I’m sending fees to you

ABD (“Refugee”)

I passed quals, I passed comps
I don’t talk too much about it
TA appointment has run out
There’s no way I can revive it
Everybody likes to tell me
“Enough already with the anomie
Hey, you don’t have to live like an ABD”

Somewhere, some time
Somehow I gotta make it happen
Do the research, draft the draft
Find a way to hold my angst in
Don’t like people tellin’ me
“You’re in thrall to your lethargy
Hey, you don’t have to live like an ABD”

Adjunct work is the worst
Freeway flying, like the Dutchman I’m cursed
It wasn’t supposed to be this way
I was supposed to be the belle of MLA (A!)

Somewhere, some time
Some mentor must have approved my proposal
Read my abstract, kicked the tires
of my bibliographic U-Haul
Now that mentor’s surly and mean
He’s disgusted by my time-to-degree
Hey, I don’t want to live like an ABD

4C’s Action (Satisfaction)

I can’t get no 4c’s action
I can’t get no program passion
But I try and I try and I try and I try
I can’t get no
I can’t get no, no, no, no

I get up every morning
There’s a breakfast every day
But I can’t get my coffee
or my whole wheat toast
Cuz there’s a line at the buffet
I can’t get no...

I’m here to do some business
So I scroll down the panels ‘B’
Thirty-nine steps to knowledge
But they all look the same to me
I can’t get no...

I need a little down time
So I’m hanging out in the bar
Checking out the name tags
Is that a nobody or a star?
I squeeze into the ballroom
For the featured colloquy
But they can’t be smart cause they never cite
the same evidence as me
I can’t get no...

Re-Writin’ (Good Lovin’)

I was reelin’ so bad
I asked my writing teacher why she was mad
I said, “Doctor, Ms. Ph.D.,
Now can you tell me why you’re failin’ me.”

She said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Can’t you see
What you really need
Re-writin’ (gimme that good re-writin’)
Re-writin’ (all you need is writin’)
Re-writin’ (good re-writin’, now, baby)
Re-writin’

Teacher, please, steer me right
Give me a way don’t have to stay up all night
She said, “Baby, one thing’s for sure
Whatever you got there, you got to do more.”

Repeat Chorus

While My Word Count Barely Creeps (While My Guitar Gently Weeps)

I sit at my desk and I’m doing some thinking
While my word count barely creeps
I stare at the screen and the cursor is blinking
Still my word count barely creeps
I’m so alone, it’s desolating
I can’t inflate my thoughts
I’m an old pro at procrastinating
Line after line is tossed

I sit at my desk and my cell phone starts beeping
While my TA gently weeps
I should be prepared but I spent last night sleeping
Still my TA gently weeps
I don’t why nobody told him
This wouldn’t hold much fun
I don’t know how someone cajoled him
They really snowed him, huh

I look at his lip and I notice it’s trembling
While my TA gently weeps
I make new mistakes with each draft I’m assembling
Still my TA gently weeps
I don’t know how good drafts get crafted
I get distracted soon
I only know we both got shafted
In this protracted stew

It’s Only Schemes and Tropes (But I Like It)

If I compared two things far apart
Metaphors all over the page
Would it satisfy you, would it mesmerize you
Would it make the boy a sage?  Ain’t he a sage?

If I could spin you, groove you right into
Synecdoche so divine
Would it be enough for your teachin’ heart
If the part served just fine?  Ain’t the part fine?

I know it’s only schemes and tropes but I like it
I know it’s only schemes and tropes but I like it, like it, yes I do
Yes, I like it, I like it, I like it
Can’t you see this young boy has been stylin’

If I could stitch each scheme from the start
Alliterate right on the page
Would it be enough for your teacher’s ear
Would it help raise my grade?  Raise my grade?

If I could push each line through the top
Hyperbole floodin’ the page
Would it finally thaw you?  Finally overawe you?
Would it finally make you rave?  All the way to an A?

I said I know it’s only schemes and tropes but I like it…

Write on the Wild Side (Walk on the Wild Side)

Holly was used to writing in Grammar A
Didn’t want to risk her GPA
Shucked the highbrow formal way
Broke the mold and then A turned to B

She said, hey, babe, gonna write on the wild side
Hey, honey, gonna write on the wild side

Candy’s school taught all about unifyin’
Learned no sentence should be like an island
Got labyrinthine—lost the thread
Lots of fragments up ahead

She said, hey babe…

Little Joe never knew what to say
Every line he put it another way
Told him he had to make a choice
Then he discovered double voice

He said, hey babe…

Sugar Plum Fairy came and hit delete
Thought a visual picture could be neat
Put it all in a collage
Saddam and Bush playing maj

She said, hey babe…

Jackie is just riffing away
Got into repetition and refrain
Couldn’t get past repetend
Now her papers never end

Hey, Sugar…

I’d Love to Change the World

Everywhere is cheats and phonies
He-ge-mo-nies, tell me where's equality
Read the text, to its core
Till you can't critique no more

I'd love to change the world
And I know just what to do
So I'll give the key to you

Situation's getting scary,
must be wary, tell me where is clarity
Class is funny, race is funny,
sex is funny, who needs funny when you can see

I'd love to change the world...

World collusion, guilt infusion,
conscience snoozin', here's a solution
Read the text, to its core
Till you can't critique no more

I'd love to change the world...

Four Jobs in Ohio

October--the job list coming
Two chapters down, three to go
My dossier’s out there drumming
Four jobs in Ohio

Gotta get down to it
Interviews coming around
Trim the hair or let it grow?
What if they ask me
To be both glib and profound
Can I pretend like I know?

Four jobs in Ohio (repeat and fade)

Radical Teacher Man (Son of a Preacher Man)

All the times I took 101
Term after term couldn’t get it done
Then he walked in and he started talkin’
Received ideas, how he loved to mock them
Pretty soon the whole room was rockin’
Took one of those left-wing guys
To show me how to analyze

The only one who could ever reach me
Was a radical teacher man
The only one who could ever teach me
Was a radical teacher man
Yes, he was, yes, he was, oh, yes he was

Readin’ close wasn’t always easy
But he told us we had to try
Then he started critiquin’ to me
Started out kinda tense and antsy
Then he jumped ‘round like a banshee
Hot and bothered ‘bout some guy named Gramsci

The only one who could ever reach me …

How well I remember
How he could historicize
Stickin’ in references on the sly
He explained the means of production
Exposin’ bad faith and corruption
Just short of strident and domineering
With his ponytail and his earring

The only one who could ever reach me …

 

Got-A-Lot-On-Da-Vita (In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida)

It's what you got on da vita, baby
That's how you know that they love you
You got a lot on da vita, honey
Don't you know you got status too
No nasty referee
to slap your hand
You're in every TOC
Across this land
Ain't tenure grand

Summertime

Summertime… and the placements are easy
Students comin’… but the tension ain’t high
Info-rich… got the slides and they’re lookin’
No rush, little newbies, you’ll be fine

One of these courses is the one you should be in
We’re gonna tell you everything to make your choice wise
All of these courses—bet there’s one that will charm you
We’ve got expert advisors standin’ by

Now it’s summertime… and the placements are easy
Enrollment’s jumpin’… satisfaction is high
Not a hitch… this DSP’s cookin’
No rush, little newbies, it’s all right

Paint It WAC

I see a dead course and I want it painted WAC
No lectures anymore, I want them to turn WAC
I see their syllabi don’t assign a line of prose
Workshops I’ve gamely led but no awareness grows

I draft the guidelines that will help to make it WAC
Free lunch and stipends both to help them make it WAC
Still colleagues shake their heads and quickly look away
If it will take more time they’d rather stay the same

I look inside myself and see my heart is WAC
I see a dead course and I want it painted WAC
Maybe I’ll just fade away and not have to face the facts
It’s not easy gearing up when no one’s got your back

No more will books by Bean be read by a chosen few
I could not foresee scorn and ennui poking through
If I try hard enough I may convince just one
A friend to agree with me and see that writing’s done

I want to see it painted, painted WAC
WAC is right, WAC is cool
I want to see the course where the word count is high
I want to see it painted, painted, painted, painted WAC

Grades Are So High Again/Stuck in Lodi Again

Just about a year ago I got the grade report
Seekin’ a distribution, lookin’ for a range of sorts
Things were bad, now things are worse, standards are out of tune
Oh, Lord, grades are so high again

Strode into the program meeting, overheads ready to go
Didn’t want to be too crude, no quotas to impose
Wanted to raise the issue, looks like we got a trend
Oh, Lord, grades are so high again

The man from administration asked why we gave all A’s
Somewhere we lost commitment, standards fell by the way
He wore a frown, he shook his head, what kinds of stewards are you?
Oh, Lord, grades are so high again

If I only had a reason for every A we give
Evidence in every case that the work is superlative
Damn the process movement, damn the drafts galore
Oh, Lord, grades are so high again

Thesis (“Fever”)

Never know how close I read you
Never know how hard I stare
When you put your words before me
I get so focused that it’s hard to bear
You give me thesis to assist me
Thesis to shine like a light
Thesis in the opening, thesis with all of your might

Some folks justify exploration
Think the journey’s really the key
Let’s just say I don’t have the patience
That’s just navel-gazing to me
I want some thesis to assist me
Thesis gotta be in plain sight
Thesis in the opening, thesis to shine like a light

Everybody’s gotta have thesis, that is something you all know
Thesis isn’t such a new thing, thesis started long ago

Romeo loved Juliet
With a feeling that he couldn’t name
Stood there under the balcony
Julie didn’t know why he came
He had no thesis, to assist her
Thesis to focus the tropes
Thesis to inspire, with no thesis Romeo’s on the ropes

Now I’ve finished reading your essay
Crystal clear the point that you made
Thesis there to guide my reading
Original or readymade
You gave me thesis to assist me
Thesis there at every turn
Thesis till the ending, it’s the only way to learn
It’s the only way to learn (2)
 
 

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