You Know You're a Parent When...

You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your son's favorite toy car and make him cry.
(for Mom's only!) You only have time to shave one leg a day.
You hide in the bathroom just to get some time alone.
Your child spits up and you catch it.
Someone else's kid spits up at a party and you go right on eating.
You consider fingerpaint to be a controlled substance.
You've mastered the art of placing large amounts of scrambled eggs and pancakes on the same plate without anything "touching".
You don't allow your kids to play with any weapon-toys, and your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
You manage not to laugh when your 5 year old boy confides in you his suspicion that his penis has bones inside.
You con your kid into thinking that FAO Schwartz is a toy MUSEUM and not really a store.
You fast-forward through the scene where Bambi's mom gets killed.
You hear YOUR parents voice when it's you that screams "Not in THOSE clothes you don't!"
You hire a sitter because the two of you haven't been out in ages, then spend half the night calling home to check on the kids.
Rock concerts give you a headache;

and finally, you KNOW you're a victim of Advanced Parenthood when...
You start offering to cut up other people's food for them!